"Weep" | Reflection by Emily Dowden, Seminarian Intern

I’m the type of person who cries a lot. Certainly I cry when I’m sad, but I also cry when I’m feeling especially happy, frustrated, excited, or sentimental (really, whenever I feel any emotion intensely). I used to be embarrassed when others saw me in those moments and often tried to suppress my emotions, crying only in private. I wondered if friends, family members, and acquaintances of mine would see me in these vulnerable states and assume something negative, such as that I’m weak and overly sensitive or that my feelings are invalid. I’ve since realized that not only do none of my loved ones feel this way, but that my tears—and everyone’s tears—are a beautiful and powerful thing. Tears signal to ourselves and others, as well as to God, how deeply we love and care.

In John 11:35 Jesus weeps alongside other people, all mourning the death of Lazarus. Jesus, I imagine, knows that Lazarus will be raised from the dead; and even more importantly, that eternal life is what awaits Lazarus and all children of God. So why, then, would Jesus weep? I’d like to believe it’s because Mary, his mother, and all of the other mourners were weeping; and that because Jesus loved them, his tears were born of incredible empathy and compassion.

I’ll conclude with a brief statement about the photo accompanying this reflection: I took this picture when I visited the Vatican for the first time. As I stood from that vantage point, looking down at an ongoing service, I heard music that was so beautiful that it moved me to tears. I’ll never forget what it felt like to stand there, weeping.