Rest in Peace Tom Gallagher: Obituary & Service Information

Thomas Edward Gallagher died peacefully at sunrise on May 29, 2023 in the arms of his partner and great love, Donna Violante in their home in West Haven, Connecticut. He was 80 years old. He had been in the care of Connecticut Hospice for the final 4 weeks of his life after his prostate cancer stopped responding to treatment. It seems fitting that Tom left this life on one of his favorite days of the year, Memorial Day. Tom was a staunch patriot and a proud “Westie”, and the West Haven Memorial Day parade (and associated Campbell Avenue pub crawl and family barbecues) brought him so much joy. 

Tom is survived by his partner, Donna; his daughters Traci Gallagher, Karyn Gallagher and her husband Shaun Donnelly, Aimee Gallagher and her husband Eric Ruys; his stepdaughters Elena Heitz and her husband Kurt, and Jessica Szafran and her husband Eric; his treasured grandchildren Sinead Donnelly (22), Helen Gallagher (11), Rafael Szafran (10), Eleanor Szafran (8), Liam Heitz (7) and Corinne Heitz (3); his sisters Barbara Jarry and her partner Michael Ryan, Patricia Boyne and her husband Richard; his sister-in-law Vickie Mortimer; his aunt Elizabeth Cronk; the mother of his children, Doreen Gallagher; his niece and nephews, and too many cousins to count. He was predeceased by his beloved parents Thomas Sr. and Margaret Gallagher, his sister Kathleen Moriarty, his nephew Kevin Moriarty, and his brother-in-law, the Reverend Dennis Jarry.

On a foggy and drizzly Christmas Eve in New Haven, Connecticut in 1942, Thomas Gallagher, Sr. and Margaret “Peg” Moore Gallagher received a most wonderful holiday gift, their first of four children, Thomas, Jr. was born. Nicknamed “Tommy”, his idyllic mid-century childhood was full of exploration, adventure, jokes, bicycling, sledding, paper routes, rides at the Savin Rock Amusement Park, and constant parties attended by his large Irish family.

Tom graduated from West Haven High School in 1960 and Quinnipiac College in 1964. It was a source of pride to be the first member of his family to attend college. He was an avid reader from his college days until the day he died and he had an encyclopedic knowledge of history.  He could hold his own against the big winners of his favorite show, Jeopardy. Tom enlisted in the U.S. Army on Oct 22,1964 as a Military Policeman. He completed basic training at Ft. Dix New Jersey and was then sent to Ft. Gordon, Georgia for Military Police Training. Upon graduation he was assigned to the 344th MP Company XIII Corps and he received his Honorable Discharge on July 19, 1970 at the rank of Sgt E-5.

Tom was the consummate “Westie” and he held immense optimism for his hometown of West Haven. His community activism included memberships in Jaycees (where he served as President), Rotary Club, Knights of Columbus, Lake Phipps Association, Chamber of Commerce, and the Governor’s Foot Guard. He was a trustee of the West Haven Public Library. He volunteered for numerous city events and committees throughout his life and was active in city politics. He was most proud of his work on the West Haven Police Commission where he served for 18 years. There was not an establishment in town where Tom’s entrance would not be met with an enthusiastic greeting from a friend, relative, business colleague, or fellow rapscallion. He knew everyone and had the innate ability to make each person he met feel valued.

Anyone who spent time with Tom knew that he was a true son of Eire and a piece of his heart could be found in Ireland, the Gallagher and Moore ancestral home. The music, stories, culture, green fields, majestic beauty, and pubs of his family’s homes in Westmeath, Sligo, and Wexford fed his soul. He was a proud member of the local Connecticut Irish organizations including the New Haven Parade Committee, Knights of St. Patrick, West Haven Irish American Club, Irish Cultural & Sports Association of Southern CT, and the Irish American Community Center. One of the highlights of Tom’s life was leading the parade as Grand Marshal of the New Haven St. Patrick’s Day parade in 2000. He was also West Haven’s Irishman of the Year in 2003. 

Many of Tom’s most joyous life experiences came from being a father. He was a “#GirlDad” many decades before this became a trendy term to describe a father who enthusiastically and intentionally supports his daughters’ interests. He was the biggest cheerleader of the varied activities and talents of Traci, Karyn, and Aimee. He sponsored and coached a Girls’ Little League softball team and when Karyn and Aimee showed interest in basketball, he and two of his Girl Dad buddies went up against the staid and chauvinistic powers-that-be and fought to start a Girls’ Youth Basketball league. He attended games, meets, races and recitals throughout the sisters’ childhoods. This support continued right up until the end with an April trip to NYC to see Traci’s choir perform at Carnegie Hall. He loved these classical music concerts, as well as attending Aimee’s Seido Karate Tournaments, and hearing about Karyn’s New Haven Rowing Club regattas. He was thrilled with the kind, generous, and humorous people his daughters had become.

Tom embraced adventure, loved human connection, and would make lasting friendships wherever he went. He had a passion for travel and when he and his soul mate, Donna, started dating in 2007, he had met his match. The two shared a passion for adventure, culture, food, and laughter. Tom was an excellent cook (his Christmas morning “Tomlettes” were legendary) and Donna was even better. Together these two foodies prepared amazing meals at home and explored various cuisines when out on the town. They traveled like nomads and their suitcases were always ready to go. Trips to see Donna’s family in France and Tom’s family in Ireland were interspersed with fabulous adventures including those in Hawaii, Mexico, Italy, California, Montana, St. Maarten, Spain, Morocco, Cape Cod, Monaco, and Florida.

Tom was a beloved partner, father, Grandad, brother, uncle, and friend who lived his life to the fullest. This continued to his final days where with his blue eyes sparkling, he was alert and engaged with family and friends. In the final weeks of his life, this raconteur recorded stories which his family will treasure and share. Tom was a man of great faith, and he found a spiritual home with the wonderful Trinity Episcopal Church On The Green community. With their prayers, he eased out of this life without pain, without fear, and surrounded by love. To have known Tom Gallagher was a true gift. He and his collection of festive Hawaiian shirts will be greatly missed.

Visitation will take place on Sunday June 4, 2023 from 3 to 7 pm at the West Haven Funeral Home. On Monday morning, all are asked to proceed directly to Trinity Church on the Green, 230 Temple Street, New Haven, where services will begin at 10 o’clock. Military honors will be rendered on the church steps following the service.

Live Stream of Church Service: https://www.trinitynewhaven.org/tom-gallagher-funeral.

In lieu of flowers please consider a donation in memory of “Thomas E. Gallagher, Jr”, to either Tunnels To Towers Foundation, www.t2t.org/donate, or to St. Jude’s Children Research Hospital, www.stjude.org/donate.

PLEASE CONSIDER PARKING IN ONE OF THE CITY PARKING LOTS OR THE OMNI HOTEL PARKING GARAGE.